5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became a Mum

Before you become a mum you think you have a pretty good idea of what it will include, cute clothes, lovely walks with a pram, and cuddles all day long. However, the reality is a little different, and it came with a few surprises that I didn’t expect.

There are some things I wish people would have told me about before I began this crazy journey, so I’m here to share some great advice with you that I wish I had known.

1.       The Myth of the "Perfect Mum”

You can't be perfect - perfect mums do not exist - not even on instagram.

Nobody is perfect and the things you struggle with other mothers are also struggling with. I remember when my son was a toddler and my oldest daughter was a newborn, god was that a struggle.

Kieffer was going through the terrible twos so all day I was dealing with that and then I was up all night dealing with a sleepless baby. God were those days long and I felt so alone because I looked around me and everyone else was managing fine.

People would ask me ‘how are you getting on?’, ‘oh great’ I would respond… Scared to let them in on the fact that some days felt as though bedtime would never come. I have come to realise that everyone has days like this and I thought admitting I was struggling made me weaker.

But here’s what I’ve learned: owning those struggles doesn’t make you weak it makes you stronger. When we embrace the messy, imperfect parts of motherhood, we build resilience. By showing vulnerability, we let other mums know they’re not alone, and we grow stronger together.

Society has a way of painting this idealised version of motherhood where you’re always patient, glowing, and have everything perfectly under control. There’s this unspoken pressure to be the "perfect mum" who juggles it all seamlessly, but that version doesn’t exist. Ok she might make an appearance on the odd day – but trust me that is nobody’s lived reality.

Motherhood is messy, exhausting, and unpredictable. By pretending everything’s fine, we do ourselves and others a disservice. If we want to shatter this idealised version then we must admit that motherhood isn’t always picture-perfect and assure others that that’s okay. When we embrace our imperfections, we become better, stronger mothers.

2.       Its ok to ask for help

Asking for help also doesn’t make you a bad mother. I know we are made to feel like we should be able to do it all on our own but remember it takes a village. Whether it's leaning on your partner, family, or friends, asking for help doesn’t make you any less of a mum. In fact, it allows you to show up even better for your children.

A problem shared is a problem halved. One night when Azalea was about 8 months old and would not settle and I had what I can only describe as a day from hell being a crazy toddlers little minion. I sat on the toilet and cried. I cried becasue I felt like I was a complete failure because I thought I should be coping no problem, and felt I couldn't let anyone know how hard parenting is.

My husband came through and I cried to him and told him I was exhasted, he told me top go back to bed and he would deal with the baby.

That night, as I sat crying on the toilet, feeling like a failure, I realised something important- superheroes need sidekicks.

Sure, we try to be Superwoman, but even she had the Justice League. My husband swooped in, told me to go back to bed, and took over. And guess what? The next day, I felt like a new woman.

Asking for help didn’t make me weak, it made me human. Plus, you’ll always be a better mum after a good night’s sleep.

3.       Comparison is inevitable but nonetheless useless

It is so easy to compare yourself to other mums whether it’s how well their babies routine is established, how tidy their homes are or how effortless they manage to juggle everything. But everyone’s journey of motherhood is different and nobody has it together 24/7.

So, by comparing your journey to someone else’s the only thing you can accomplish will be stealing the joy of your own experience. My advice is to focus on your own path and not worry what anyone else is doing.

4.       Your relationship with your partner is going to change.

Before you became parents you were as free as a bird, able to do what you want whenever you wanted. Now you will find yourself almost asking permission to go for a shower – ‘are you ok to watch baby while I shower?’

You might find yourselves arguing over who has changed the most nappies and of course the ever present discussion of who is most tired. When Kieffer was born we found ourselves in constant competition of who had done what.

But now, as we’re on baby number three, I’ve realised that much like with age comes wisdom, with experience comes patience and understanding- well a lot more so than before.

5.   The Days are Long but the Years Are Short

Ok, I admit you will be told this but I just wanted to add it in because I know you wont believe it.

When you are in the trenches of the newborn stage – or better yet life with a newborn and a toddler, man oh man can the days seem long.

But here's something I wish I'd known from the start: the years genuinely do fly by. As soon as you have a child not only will their life fly by but so will your own.

One minute, you're rocking your newborn to sleep, and the next, they’re off to school, and before you know it they are asking you not to kiss them goodbye at the school gate – and I’ll tell you now that one stings.

The other day Kieffer and Azalea wanted to go to the park and they asked if I could just drop them off at the top of the road and I knew it was because they would be embarrassed for their friends to see their mum had dropped them off.

It’s easy to get caught up in the exhaustion, but try to take a breath and savour those little moments because they’re fleeting, and you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

I never thought I would miss changing a dirty nappy, dealing with a toddlers craziness but I am here to tell you that you will long for those days. Hence why I have gone back for another.

And the amount of women who have said to me now that I’m back in the baby stage things like ‘oh how I miss that period’, I know that it is something that most women feel.

It is such a strange feeing to feel nostalgic for the present as I now know how true it is that while the days are long – the years are oh so short.

So there you have it, the five things I wish someone had warned me about before diving into the deep end of motherhood. If you're a new mum, just know that you will survive, not with spotless floors or perfect hair, but with plenty of love (and likely a few good stories).