A Letter to New or Expecting Mums: Everything You Need to Know is Within You.

From the minute two lines appear on a test, you are a mother, and believe me when I tell you everything your child will ever need you have within you.

I found out I was pregnant when I was 18 years old, I had never looked after a baby myself in my life, never changed a nappy, never even dressed a child. I didn’t know any people with small children outside of my family, and to be honest I had very little patience or interest when it came to children.

My husband was no better, he was 18 also, teenagers who lived with my parents and had little to no idea about the real world. In hindsight I was immature, and like most 18-year-olds it was ‘me, me, me’, but as soon as that test came back positive everything changed.

Scrolling endless internet lists of what a baby ‘needs’ can be so overwhelming, but don’t stress because you don’t even need half of it. Babies thrive in a loving and nourishing environment, not fancy gadgets, and designer clothing.

Don’t get me wrong if you want to get everything under the sun for your child then that is your prerogative to do so. I’m just trying to reassure new mothers that it isn’t compulsory to waste money they don’t have on stuff like baby wipe warmers, or changing tables because trust me you’ll almost never use it and always use the changing mat on the floor.

If you’re someone who overthinks most aspects of your life this one may be a hard one to follow but save yourself time and money and skip the parenting books. I get it, I really do, you think you need to know everything there is to know on parenting, but these books leave mothers, and expecting mothers feeling miserable, and stressed.

I’m not just saying this because I have a blog now, but where I have gotten the best parenting advice from is blogs, reddit, and Quora posts that give an insight into other peoples real lived experiences.

Remember, you can call your local health visitor and get free tips and advice once baby is here also (all the way up to school age).

But the knowledge really does just come to you, everything you need to know is within you mama. You’ll just know what each cry means, you’ll know when they’re hungry and when they’re tired.

Oh, and never read too much into developmental milestones – yes you should pay attention but not to the extent that you will/are. Ok, so your one year old isn’t crawling, so what… they’ll get there. Your 2-year-old can hardly say a handful of words, so what... they'll get there.

I get spending time thinking about the fact your one-year-old isn’t sleeping yet because that sucks, but anything else don’t worry (unless your health visitor/doctor etc thinks you should be).

And, whatever you do, don’t compare your child’s development to another kid your child’s age. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again- comparison is the thief of joy. The amount of time I spent on google asking ‘is this normal’, ‘why can’t my child do this or that yet’, ‘is my child eating enough’, ‘why wont my child do this’.

I wasted time, time I’ll never get back stressing about if they were developing fine instead of just watching it unfold before me.

There’s nothing I could do to stop you from worrying about your child’s development, heck if I had another kid, I would still google questions, but try and keep it to a minimal.

Enjoy them when they’re little because they aren’t little long.

I know the days are long, but the years truly are short. I used to get so annoyed, I would think ‘god I’m so sick of people telling me they aren’t little long’, but they genuinely aren’t- blink and you’ll miss it.

You don't know everything... (this one may be contradictory to the title, but we move).

You know when you are a teenager and you think you know everything, and then you grow up and you come to the realisation that you knew nothing then, and still don’t know it all now, and never will because life is a journey. That’s a little what having a child, and parenthood is like.

When you have a one-year-old, you think you’re a seasoned parent and have it all under control, you know it all… well if this is you, I hate to burst your bubble. But you don’t. And that’s okay. Parenthood is also a journey, and you don’t need to know everything all at once, I’m almost 9 years in and still don’t have all the answers, but my children are happy and healthy, and ill suss out the rest as I go.

Sometimes it feels like you’re doing everything wrong.

In the words of Rocky Balboa, the world aint' all sunshine and rainbows...

Motherhood is a massive life changing event, and its totally normal to have an identity crisis. For some it takes longer to adjust to the new life, and that’s normal just give yourself a break. The learning curve with motherhood is steep.

It’s a standard to have days where you feel crappy about it all, I remember when Kieffer was a toddler and Azalea was a new born baby, and I would be so overwhelmed that some days I would just sit and cry at nothing, but hey that’s to be expected when you’re running on red bull and no sleep.

The problem is that nobody talks about it when they’re living through it, everyone wants to pretend that they have it all under control. And that leaves mothers feeling they’re all alone with this struggle.

I want to let you know you are not alone. We have all struggled at some point. Newborns and toddlers are hard work, and it’s time we stop feeling the need to pretend otherwise.

Just take deep breaths and know that everything will be ok, tomorrow is a new day, and you will get there in the end.