Destroying the Shackles: How Women today are Shattering and Breaking Chains

What does it mean to be a mother in the 21st century? Does it mean sacrificing your identity, your dreams, and your freedom? I sincerely hope not.

Women are far more oppressed as parents than fathers. It is impossible to tell you how many times I’ve been somewhere (even just when doing the weekly shop), and someone says:

‘Oh, no kids today??’

‘You’ve got the day off today, have you?’

‘Oh, their dad is watching them?? How lucky are you’?

‘Dad’s babysitting today, is he?’

A million things race through my mind… Day off??? Their dad… babysitting??? Lucky that their own father is watching them?? You’ve got to be kidding me, right?

I just asked my husband if when he goes somewhere without the kids if he has ever been asked any of the above, he laughed and said no. Not once in our almost 9 years of parenting has he been asked while out the house if his children’s mother was ‘babysitting’ them.

Women carry a far heavier load when it comes to child rearing and domestic chores in the house. And if you are a stay-at-home mother, it’s understandable that since you spend most of your time in the home, and with your children that naturally you will be doing more of the domestic work. However, never let your husband diminish your role as homemaker- it is equally as important as breadwinner.

But how is it fair for women who are employed to still be carrying the burden of household chores? A recent study (2021) found that mothers in the UK spend an average of 81 hours per week on unpaid domestic work, while fathers spend only 26 hours. That’s more than three times the amount of work for the same role.

How is this fair? They say feminism has gone too far. They say we have equality. Where is the equality in this?

Can I just point out though that I am extreamly lucky and my husband does his fair share of chores, infact often we will genuinley argue over who is getting to wash the dinner time dishes.

There is no denying that as women we have far more freedoms than our foremothers, but let’s not confuse more with enough, we still bare shackles. I love how women continue to push the boundaries of motherhood. It is perfectly possible to pursuit our own passion and individuality alongside being a mother.

Don’t get me wrong destroying these shackles can be risky, and you’re going to face criticism from others who wish to uphold typical stereotypes. Society has constructed the image of the perfect mother and all that she should embody. How she should look, feel, and behave.

When I think about my Granny, she was the embodiment of everything a mother/ Grandmother 'should' be, and that is one of the things I loved most about her. But it is easy to see she never gave herself much thought and put everyone before herself. She practically lived in the kitchen, and I can still hear the click of her knitting needles now.

And while I love everything she represented, it’s fine if this isn’t you. Heck it isn’t me. My son goes to Cubs, and my daughter goes to Rainbows and for their badges that are meant to be sewn onto their uniform I use the sewing glue.

It is time for women to push past these sterotypes, and I'm not saying that men don't face sterotypes too, I'm sure they do. But it is apparent that they do not face the same parental pressure as women, they are not expected to put their lives on hold and deticate their entire passion and soul to the rearing of children.

They are allowed to go where they please without being questioned, they are allowed to work full time jobs without dissaproval. They can go to the pub whenever they please without looks of criticism. I remember after my daughter was born and I was on a night out (my first one in 15 months I'll add), and someone came up to me and said 'should you not be at home looking after your kids?'

I'm willing to place bets that if a man hadn't been out in that long he would not recieve any remark like that, if anything jokes would be made about how he's under the thumb and never goes out anymore.

Tips to help you push past the stereotype of ‘motherhood’ and embrace your own definition of the role.

Own your choices.

Be proud of your choices, even if some people find them controversial. You need to be confident in yourself, only you can know what is best for you and your family.

Challenge stereotypes whenever you hear them.

Wherever you are, stand up for what you believe. Whether you’re at work, with friends, or outside the school gates. If someone is showing prejudice towards a mother’s actions based on stereotypes- call them out! That’s the only way we can push for change.

Find like-minded people who share your values.

I have adopted the quote ‘People are going to talk about you, no matter what you do. So, you might as well do whatever brings you joy and live your best life.’

Honestly, people are going to have something to say about you no matter what but especially if you live in a close-knit community. You are going to feel so much more supported in being your true self if you surround yourself with like-minded individuals.

Sometimes it is all too easy to feel alone in your aspirations, but remember you are not. And there is going to be people out there who will encourage you and cheer you on, not everyone you will meet is a ‘negative nelly’.

Final thoughts

Being a mother is one of the most wonderous and rewarding experiences life has to offer, and while like many other mothers I feel it is something I was born to do, it is important to remember that doesn’t mean it has to limit your own passion.

You know it’s possible for you to be everything that is expected of a mother while following your dreams. There does not need to be a conflict between the two, and I feel more women are realising this, and that’s how modern women are shattering and breaking chains.

Being a mother and your own individual person can both be a part of your identity, and as mothers we no longer need to be chained to a cooker. We need to push these stereotypes and learn how to embrace it without feeling mum guilt. You can be proud of yourself for being a mother, and for embracing your individuality.