Motherhood and the Lost Balance; Navigating the Modern Maze.

The role of motherhood has changed far beyond recognition, gone are the Donna Reed’s of this world. Now we see a new wave of ‘mothers’, from the likes of Michelle Obama to Serena Williams. Highlighting that motherhood doesn’t have to limit someone’s ambition or achievement.

Women can embody the concept of motherhood while exceling in different roles and making their mark on this world. While once being a stay-at-home mother was all that was expected of a woman now, we are expected to have it all, being a mother is no longer enough.

The role and status of mothers has been devaluated over the last several decades and now paid work is prioritised over domestic and more significance is placed on individual achievement than collective care.

These ideas go back to Betty Friedan’s thoughts within “The Feminine Mystique”, where stay-at-home mothers were branded as being unfulfilled and oppressed.

Society is forever peddling the idea that as women we can have it all, as if it’s easy. And you know what? It really isn’t, whatever you decide as a mother, whether that be to stay at home or go back to work there is stigma attached to both. We really can’t do right from doing wrong.

However, much like it would be unfair to criticise a working mother it would be equally unfair to criticise a stay-at-home mum, and even without a job let’s face it mothers still have a million and one things to manage.

Nowadays like it or not it is often required for financial reasons that women must work, or some mothers just want to be career women, and love their job- and that’s great!

However, either way it leaves the tricky equation of finding balance in the modern maze of being a mother and an employee (or perhaps you’re self-employed, which I imagine is even more stress).

Sometimes I find it difficult to be a devoted employee and the perfect mum. I feel as though one or the other is always left getting only 70% of me.

Sometimes when I think about my to do list, I could cry. There’s work, studying for my degree, going to my online classes, walking the dog, cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to their one million clubs, and then trying to make time to see family and friends.

Mentally juggling all the responsibilities you’re faced with can be daunting but I’m going to help you (and myself) reclaim harmony and balance within your life across the playing field (and no sorry one of the tips won’t be to ‘go for a nap’).

Set realistic expectations.

Listen there are 7 days in a week, we don’t have to do it all in one day, and if you don’t get a job done it isn’t the end of the world. There are loads of apps out there where you can set daily to-do-lists, and physically ticking it off your list is going to make you feel like wow, I’ve done something today.

Create a supportive network.

Try and find some like minded people, and if you don’t have a friend that you can say to ‘my kids are being absolute ass holes today’, and not get a look of disapproval, you need to get yourself one.

I know societal expectations are there, and as women we are expected to balance everything no problem at all and have no gripe about it either-or that would be ungrateful.

But it’s okay to have days where everything falls apart but create yourself a network so that when this does happen you have people to help you put it back together again, you don’t need to carry the weight of the world yourself.

Practice time management.

Ok, if you know me, I know you’re laughing at this one. I mean last week I was taking my daughter to gymnastics, and she said, ‘are we late’, to which my son said ‘probably, we always are’. I was like ‘crap, I really need to get it together’.

Although, can I just point out we aren’t late, we are always just rushing about like crazy and get there by the skin of our teeth.

But you know what they say, ‘those who can’t, teach’, so here are some handy tips for time management.

You need to learn to delegate tasks, you know it’s okay to ask your husband or your family for help, that’s what they’re there for! You need to plan and organise, get yourself a physical planner or even a board you can stick up on your wall and see where everyone needs to be when.

I have attached a FREE printable planner here to help you out, mothers may have superpowers, but we can’t be expected to remember everything.

Family Weekly Planner

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Download PDF • 26KB

And last but certainly by no means least, learn to say no!

I myself am a people pleaser so girl I get it, you are preaching to the choir, but learn that it’s okay to say no to someone. You have enough going on in your life without worrying about letting someone else down.

Finding balance in this new age of motherhood is not easy, but just remember it is an ongoing process, and it’s important to be kind to yourself along the way.