Parenting Tips and Tricks to help you through the terrible twos.

When I first had my son, I remember taking him home from the hospital and my dad told me ‘Well Steph, it all goes downhill from here, this is the easiest part.’

‘No’, I thought to myself surely nothing could be harder than looking after a baby? I felt I had so much to do and such little time to do it in, God does that make me laugh. Sorry if you’re a new mum to your first child, as I’m aware that may sound a little condescending but I’m sure any seasoned parent whose spent a day in the trenches with a grumpy two-year-old will agree with me.

Toddlers essentially behave like little demons, they don’t really know what is right and what is wrong, but man oh man will they push the boundaries, to get you to your very limit and see if you will fold. Don’t do it mama, our job is to show them that we are more determined than they are.

I am no parenting expert but if you knew Kieffer when he was aged 1.5-3 years old, you’ll know I had it bad. That boy was sent to test me, and I feel having passed said test this makes me qualified to pass on my wisdom to you. (I just hope this doesn’t jinx how well behaved Kieffer is now and make him go back to his satanic ways).

Just remember every child is different so some of these may not work for you, and that’s ok, this is just me giving tips on what helped from my own personal experience. I hope they can be of some help to you.

Create a time out area.

Ok, this one is going to be essential. Time out isn’t just for super nanny, it works. But you must be consistent. You aren’t meant to call it a ‘naughty corner’, as apparently that will make your child form a belief that they are bad, so you can call it ‘time out’,’ thinking time’, or ‘calm-down corner’.

You get the idea.

I personally found these too ‘friendly’, so I called our time out ‘the no-no corner’, it worked for us, I just feel a child understands the concept of ‘no’ better than thinking time, but just do what works best for you and your child.

Top tips for time-out would be firstly to choose an appropriate area and stick to this spot. You need a quiet and safe place for your child to calm down with limited distractions (so, basically don’t put it next to their toy area). You must set clear expectations, explain to your child why they are going to time out, and clearly tell them what behaviour led to them ending up there.

Use a timer, a physical timer is great as your child can see how long they have left, you might want to get a sand-timer, or an egg timer- I just used my phone and that way they could physically hear the end of the timer. Set the timer to a minute per year, so if you have a one-year-old it’s one minute, a two-year-old it’s two minutes- you get the idea.

Be consistent,

I know it can be a faff and some days you just can not be bothered, but the only way you are going make your toddler understand that there are consequences to their behaviour is to be consistent.

So, it works best to use a warning system. For example, your child throws their toy you can calmly tell them ‘no we do not throw toys, that’s your first warning, keep going and you are going to go to time out’, if they do it again you explain again that we do not throw toys and ‘that is your second warning, if you do it again you will be going to time out. Then if they do it a third time calmly explain ‘that is your third warning, so now you must go to time out.

Finally, stay calm.

I get it, you have just told your child three times not to do the same thing within a 3-minute period. Its annoying. But remember you are trying to teach your child to keep their emotions, and frustrations in check, so you getting angry is a ‘moo-point’. Don’t get me wrong sometimes you do get mad, it is a natural human emotion. When I used to get annoyed, I would apologise and explain that mummy just got a little frustrated, and that I was sorry.

Also, if you need to, take a step back and calm down before addressing the situation. Modelling self-control and emotion regulation is key for your child’s development.

Redirect Negative Behaviour

Punishing your child all day is exhausting, and it is not how anybody wants to spend their day. So, before things get to the point where it is time to use ‘time-out’, how about you try to redirect their frustrations, so if they’re taking a tantrum – try to distract them with their favourite toy or story book.

Or is your child taking a tantrum about getting dressed? How about you try giving them some control and offer them the chance to choose what they wear, ‘do you want to wear the blue t-shirt or the red one’. This control is likely to reduce their anger and frustrations.

Try Confiscating Something They Enjoy Playing with

If they are having a day where they are particularly naughty and nothing seems to be working, you can confiscate a toy. Remember that you must explain why you are doing it, so they don’t feel confused or resentful.

For example ‘I’m taking away your toy because you hit your sister with it. Hitting is not okay, and we need to find a better way to solve problems’. It works best if they can see the toy still, but it is out of reach, and then once you see them behaving better you can give them the toy back, so for example if your child is now playing with their sibling you could tell them ‘well done on playing with your sister, you can now have your toy back’, this positive reinforcement really helps.

Use Positive Reinforcement

Praising your child for positive behaviour can help reinforce good habits and reduce negative behaviour. So, whenever your child does something good make a big deal out of it!

Sticker Charts or Marble Jars.

Toddlers love visuals, it is far easier for them to understand. Visual reinforcement is great, your child can see their progress and earn themselves rewards, this will be extremely motivational for them. It is like a fun game for them, that also encourages positive behaviour, and begins to teach them about setting goals and working towards them.

Marble Jars are great, they worked wonders with my son. Basically, you get a jar and some marbles and when they are good a marble goes in, but when they are bad a marble comes out.

Before you start filling the jar, they will need a clear idea of what happens when they get to the top.

You can suggest ideas but let them pick which one out of a few suggestions- that’s what makes it so exciting. It might be a new toy, a comic book, a trip to the cinemas, or even their favourite sweet. Once the jar is filled they get their reward. The first time I did it with Kieffer, I was very dramatic and would put in like 5 marbles for the smallest thing just so he could fill it up and understand the concept clearer. 

Final thoughts

Are you at the stage where you’ve tried all the above, and nothing is working?

I was there too. Please know that this is how I know consistency is key, it may feel like you’re getting nowhere but remember Rome wasn’t built in a day.

So just trust in me when I tell you it will all come together. You will slowly start seeing improvements when they realise that it isn’t all empty threats and there are consequences to their behaviour.

Don’t get me wrong they will still have bad days, but without bad days you don’t appreciate the good ones. And I mean I’m 28 and I still have days where I’m moody, so we are all allowed off days.

Stay strong and consistent – you’ve got this mama.