When I was just five years old, I remember sitting during story time in primary school, not engrossed in the tale but comparing my legs to the other girls'.
"My legs are so fat," I thought, while glancing at their skinny calves. It breaks my heart to think that such thoughts plagued me at such a young age. Now, as a mother, I carry the weight of ensuring my daughter grows up with a healthier self-image.
Having struggled with body dysmorphia long before I knew what it meant, I am acutely aware of how my perception of my body can influence my daughter's self-worth. To me, my daughters beauty isn't about physical appearance but the brilliance of her mind, the joy in her laughter, and the kindness in her heart.
However, I can never look at myself this way, and I often find myself caught in a web of negative self-talk.
Pregnancy has amplified these feelings. Watching my body change so rapidly has been a difficult adjustment. Despite my husband’s reassurances that I'm growing a whole human, the negativity often lingers.
On a recent holiday, I felt uncomfortable in swimwear, plagued by thoughts that others might see me as "fat" rather than pregnant. I kept asking my husband if I looked fat, unaware that my daughter was absorbing every word.
..Also can I just add who even cares what a literal stranger that I will most likely never see again in my life thinks of me... oh yeah me that's who..
At the end of a day by the pool, my beautiful, sweet daughter tugged her swimsuit away from her body and when I asked 'Why are you doing that', she responded "I think I’ve been eating too much on holiday, my belly looks big."
In that moment my heart literally broke.
I fell right down to her level and told her she was perfect and that I loved every inch of her, but I wasn't sure I had convinced her. It was then I realised the gravity of my words and actions. I had to be more aware of how I was talking about myself if not for my own wellbeing then surely I could get it together for her sake.
From that moment, I committed to speaking positively about my body. At first, it felt like a lie. But I wanted my daughter to think, "Oh, okay, Mam loves her body, so do I." The more I spoke kindly about myself, the more I began to believe it. It was a truly empowering experience, and I started to appreciate the magic my body has harnessed, it is in the process of growing a third child- that's incredible!
We are often surrounded by women who criticise their bodies when there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. I am one of said women, but I tried to be cautious around my daughter, but have failed recently.
Now, I understand the true power of positive affirmations. I’ve talked before about their power before but failed to apply that logic to my appearance. Saying positive things about my body became a practice, and I want to see this sense of confidence and self-love in my daughter.
So, what else can we mums do to help our daughters break the cycles of hating our bodies?
Media Influence
The media plays a significant role in shaping beauty standards. In our household, I try to manage media consumption carefully. We discuss the unrealistic portrayals of beauty in advertisements, TV and other forms of media, emphasising that real beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Part of the problem is that when I entered the world of social media I never knew anything about people who airbrush their pictures etc so when my daughter comes of age to be on social media herself I want her to have a critical eye for the images she sees and understand that they often don't reflect reality.
Promoting a Healthy Lifestyle
Instead of focusing on weight or appearance, I try to promote a healthy lifestyle. We talk about the importance of physical activity to try and encourage my daughter to appreciate what her body can do rather than how it looks.
It's all about balance though and I feel when I was a child I wouldn't get sweets much and it was always limited so now I have no self control as an adult, I couldn't just eat one biscuit I would have to eat the whole pack. So my children get regular treats so they don't need to over eat them when they are offered them.
I LOVE 'Mrs Tilly's' tablet, and so does Azalea. So, while I would sit and eat the whole thing she is happy to eat a little and then put the rest in the fridge for another day - I wish I had her self control lol.
The Body Positivity Movement
"Instead of celebrating clear skin, shiny hair and tiny waists, the body positive movement aims to challenge unattainable beauty standards."The body positivity movement has been a significant influence on my views, and there are so many great books out there to help shift your mentality surrounding your body. Don't get me wrong I still have extremely negative days but there are days where I can look at my cellulite with a neutral gaze and realise it does not define my worth.
The body positive movement celebrates all bodies, regardless of shape, size, or ability, and promotes self-love and acceptance- if we begin by trying to change our own attitudes it will help break the cycle and stop us passing this on to our daughters.
This movement has helped me realise that my worth isn't tied to my appearance and has given me tools to combat negative self-talk. I try to share these insights with my daughter, teaching her about positive affirmations and to love and accept herself just as she is.
Final Thoughts
As I type this and look down at my swollen sausage fingers, I still feel "meh" about my body at times. But I'm learning to deal with it. Pregnancy and they way it often leaves me feeling is a season that will not last forever, but if I continue to put myself down around my daughter, it is something that could stay with her forever.
We must break the cycle of negative body image. By changing our own narrative and embracing our bodies, we can instil a sense of self-worth and confidence in our daughters that will last a lifetime.
🧘🏻♀️🧘🏻♀️