Where have all the villages gone?

“It takes a village to raise a child”…

Or so they say, well where have all the villages gone? I feel women are expected to do more than ever before with far less support.

By Villages I do not mean as in a "group of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet and smaller than a town, that is situated within a rural area".

I mean as in an entire community of people who would interact positively with children to allow them to experience and grow in both a safe and healthy environment. Where children are given the security, they need to develop and flourish, and to be able to realise their hopes and dreams.

Communities are so important, they bring people together, provide support and offer a sense of belonging, allowing people to share knowledge and experience which creates a network of friendships.

However, these ideas are fading, no longer do people feel this sense of belonging in the modern world. People are always busy doing their own thing, and glued to their phones.

It's sad but you can see groups of people sat together nowadays on their phones scrolling social media. And you can live right next door to someone and not even know their name.

Don't get me wrong I love scrolling social media, TikTok - you have a piece of my heart. But when I'm with people, unless I'm showing them something on my phone, I always try to make a conscious effort to enjoy their company rather than looking at what other people are up to on Facebook.

I know some people say that villages are still there, it’s just they’ve moved online, but I disagree. Online can be a fake, and lonely world.

As I write this, I’m sitting with my hair in a greasy ass bun, an old t-shirt, and leggings, I would not share how I look right now with social media. It’s a highlight reel. Though, the hope with this blog is that it will push me to show that not everything is perfect.

But let’s face it most people do only show the ups right? I personally just think how am I meant to get to know an online person when they’re showing me their highlight reel. Show me what you look like when you take rubbish to the outside bin on a Sunday morning, that’s how I’ll get to know the real you.

A quick scroll on social media, and I can see it’s a common phenomenon for millennials to feel they’ve drawn the short straw when it comes to a support network.

Where once a community helped raise a child, now the burden falls on the parents alone. This is a very different generation, whether that be down to the changing landscape of the modern world where family members just don’t have the same time as they once did due to work commitments or whatever else, either way it sucks.

Don’t get me wrong I’m luckier than some as my mum and sisters do help with the kids if I’m working or have appointments etc, but three people doesn’t quite constitute a village does it.

Now, stick with me on this point, because I know it can seem frustrating to look around and think ‘where is my village?!'.

It is a thought that’s crossed my mind on many occasions. But I’m a glass half full kind of gal, and so how about instead of looking at it pessimistically, just think ‘I have nobody sticking their nose into my business, and nobody telling me what the best way to raise my child is.’

We can choose our own parenting skills, without passing judgement from our older generations. And mama I know it’s hard when you feel all alone, but did you ever stop and think villages come in different sizes, and your village may seem smaller than someone else’s, but that’s fine you’re getting it done. And this season of raising children it doesn’t last forever. You’ll get there.

If there is one thing, I know to be true when it comes to the raising of little humans it is that they aren’t little long, and time is a dirty, dirty thief.

Azalea's first holiday, it seems like yesterday!

Little Kieffer, before he became to cool to sit on my knee in public.

Soon enough you’ll have more free time than you would care for, you’ll taste the empty nest and you’ll long for another crazy overwhelming day. You’ll feel grateful that there was no village that you had to share those precious years with.

If you’re still in the process of raising tiny babies, or toddlers, the days are hella' long, but now I have an 8 and a 6 year old, and trust me when I tell you I would give anything to go back and play with them both as babies/toddlers for even 30 minutes.

Makes me emotional just to imagine how amazing it would be to truly enjoy their little voice, and their magical imaginations. I'm basically hoping for a similar situation as Ebeneezer Scrooge, where the ghost of the past will take me back. But ya' know just minus the whole evil character, money obsessed, redemption on my soul stuff.

While, I know it's hard, and overwhelming at times, I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

We all have days where bed time can't come quick enough, and long for a 'day off', or a little nap. But as you watch your children grow into the amazing little humans that they are, you can give yourself a pat on the back and think 'go me, I did that'.

So, I say screw villages. You are all your family will ever need.